Category Archives: recovery

abuse, belief system, conflict, confusion, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, hostility, hypocrisy, marriage, recovery, religion, shame

Say the Words

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“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will
make me know wisdom.” Psalm 51:6

When my children were young, upon asking them to take a bath or clean their rooms or do their homework, there were those occasions when they would look at me with mischief in their eyes, and I knew in that moment that they were considering testing my patience.  I would just gaze at them and wait for a moment.  Then, before they could protest I would say, “I just need to hear two words.”  Almost without fail, a few moments of tempered silence would pass, and then they would quietly say the words I wanted to hear.

“Okay, Mom.”

There was something about just saying those two simple words that softened their will and almost miraculously set their feet in motion to accommodate my request.

Ah, the power of words.

Continue reading Say the Words →

abuse, Christianity, conflict, confusion, disrespect, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, hypocrisy, manipulation, marriage, recovery

Did He Apologize or Not?

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Apology:  [uh-pol-uh-jee]:  a written or spoken expression of one’s regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, or wronged another.

One evening several years ago,  a woman with whom I had been corresponding sent me an urgent message.  Only minutes earlier, her estranged husband had shown up unexpectedly on her doorstep with a bouquet of flowers in hand.  The man tearfully professed his love for her, promised her that he would never harm her again and begged her to take him back.  The woman was stunned.  She wanted to believe his words and rush into his arms and receive him back into her life, but something cautioned her to hold back.  She accepted the flowers and calmly told him she needed to think about what he had shared and watched him go. Continue reading Did He Apologize or Not? →

abuse, belief system, Christianity, conflict, confusion, controlling abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, hostility, hypocrisy, manipulation, marriage, recovery, religion, shame

The Power of Words

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“Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made.”  Genesis 3:1aserpent

The word “crafty” used in Genesis 3 describes the serpent that came to the garden.  The word has also been interpreted to read “subtle,” “clever,” “cunning” or “shrewd.”  The description clearly implies that this particular being’s intellect alone posed some kind of a threat. Continue reading The Power of Words →

abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, Christianity, church denial, disbelief, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, hostility, hypocrisy, Jesus, manipulation, marriage, physical abuse, recovery, religion, shame

The See-No-Evil Disconnect: Abandoning Victims to Protect the Status Quo

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“He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous, both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.”  Proverbs 17:15

see no evil

It happens all the time.  A victim of abuse finds the courage to step out of the shadows of her shame and fear to reveal the truth about what has happened to her.  The trauma she has endured may be a result of molestation or rape, physical abuse, and/or verbal or emotional abuse.  She wants to believe that, once she shares her terrible secret, the people to whom she reaches out will hear her, validate her and comfort her.  But as horrible and shocking as it may seem, she may not receive what she needs.  For reasons that defy logic, many may rise to defend her perpetrator, and she may instead find herself shamed and shunned and even persecuted.  Such is the absurdity of the See-No-Evil Disconnect.     Continue reading The See-No-Evil Disconnect: Abandoning Victims to Protect the Status Quo →

abuse, belief system, Christianity, conflict, confusion, disbelief, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, manipulation, marriage, misunderstood, perfectionism, recovery, shame, terror, unsafe home

Three Words Every Abuse Victim Needs to Hear

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It is a strange thing to invest so much energy into convincing yourselfsad2 that your relationship is normal only to one day be jolted by the reality that there is nothing normal about it, to be forced to admit that your relationship is patently unhealthy, destructive, and yes, abusive. Continue reading Three Words Every Abuse Victim Needs to Hear →