Category Archives: religion

abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, conflict, divorce, domestic violence, fear, hostility, leaving an abuser, manipulation, religion, unsafe home

A Video to Share With Those Who Don’t Understand Verbal Abuse

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This is a French video with subtitles, but it is well worth the time to watch and share with others to help them to understand how the dynamics of verbal and emotional abuse incrementally, insidiously destroy the victim.

It is one thing to watch this brief clip and see the pain in the woman’s eyes, but quite another to imagine living with a man like him day after day, week after week, year after year.  And he  never strikes her.

This is the kind of thing that most people do not understand.  The man is not going through a difficult time or having a bad day, nor is he merely unable to see his wife’s needs.  He doesn’t care about anything but himself and what he wants and expects.  The poor woman is his possession, not his partner.

See if you can identify the various tactics the man uses.

Trigger Warning:  This will likely churn up painful memories for the recovering abuse victim.

 

 

abuse, belief system, conflict, disbelief, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, marriage, recovery, religion, terror

Give Me Five Minutes (Things I Would Like to Say To An Abuse Victim)

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Dear friend, I have no idea how long you might listen before you five minutesdecide to shut me out.  But what I have to say is important, and I hope you will give me just a few precious minutes to share what is on my heart.

What I need to say may change how you see yourself and even, perhaps, the course of your life.  Please consider my words.  My prayer in this moment is that you might give yourself permission to be completely honest with yourself.  Listen to what your heart says.  You will know if what I am saying is true.

You see, I know a lot more about you than you might imagine.  I know you think no one knows what is going on in your little corner of the world.

But I know.

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abuse, belief system, divorce, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, Jesus, marriage, recovery, religion

The Most Painful Confession: Coming Clean With God – and Myself

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arms wide openIt has been said that man is the only creature who runs faster when he is lost.

Sure enough, that was me – trying to survive in an abusive marriage, striving and praying and trying – running ever faster but always headed in the wrong direction.  At long last I found myself backed into a windowless corner where decades of denial had finally run their course.  It was then that I had to offer up my most painful of all confessions.

You see, up until that moment, I had held to my story, the one I had fabricated about my marital destiny, the one that ultimately led to the nightmare from which my children and I now needed to be rescued.  The original account affectionately chronicled how and where my husband and I first met, the way he doggedly pursued me and how our courtship and marriage unfolded.  Surely I had presented an image where it seemed that God had brought us together.

But so many years later I found myself virtually suffocating under a wave of conviction so overwhelming, it felt as though my heart might explode.

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abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, conflict, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, hostility, loneliness, manipulation, marriage, recovery, religion, terror, unsafe home

“No One Else Will Ever Want You” and Other Lies and Slanders

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drooping flower

“No one else will ever want you.”

It is as though he has taken a branding iron and seared the words into your soul.  Rather than reject them and recognize that the one who speaks is both cruel and a liar, you find yourself teetering on the edge of self-doubt, pondering the words, allowing them to resonate and take root – undisputed.

“Why would he say something so hurtful?  He must see something that I don’t see in myself.  What if I am truly unlovable, a loser, a failure?” 

It is a heartless deception.  Should you allow those thoughts to simmer, apart from a proper understanding of the abuser’s agenda, you may begin to accept and even believe the lie, if for no other reason than the one spewing the slander also has the audacity to tell you that he loves you.  It is somehow easier to accept that he is sincere than to believe that he is deliberately trying to hurt you – and therefore doesn’t really love you at all.  That option is just too painful to entertain, and that little crack in your broken heart allows his hurtful words to seep in.

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abuse, belief system, children, conflict, disbelief, divorce, faith, fear, hostility, loneliness, marriage, religion, terror

If Only He Would Hit Me

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fearful woman2They don’t want to hear my stories.  They refuse to believe what I say.

“Show me your scars,” they tell me, crossing their arms in disdain.  “Prove to me the harm he has done.  Without physical proof of your pain, I have to assume you have none.”

I suppose it is easy for the outsider to distrust wounds for which there is no physical evidence.  And I confess, such indifference further adds to my pain.

If only he would hit me.  Sometimes I wish he would.  Then they might understand what he has put me through, how much it hurts, that some of the deepest wounds never bleed.  Maybe if my bones were broken, if blood flowed from all the hurting places, the cynics and know-it-alls would not be so quick to downplay my fears or tell me that the things he does or says are inconsequential.

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