Perhaps you have finally chosen to make a dramatic life shift away from your abuser – to separate or divorce him.*  Although some of your wounds have healed and many things have changed for the better, other aspects of your life may be more challenging than you expected, and there may be moments when you find yourself doubting the severity of your tumultuous history.

In looking back, perhaps you have come to question whether the good actually outweighs the bad.

I miss sharing a bag of popcorn with him while watching one of our favorite movies.

Those occasional weekend getaways we shared still count among of my best memories.

I know we have had our struggles, but the house feels so empty without him.

Doing this on my own is much harder than I thought it would be.

There may well be moments when going back to your former life feels like an appealing option.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad.  Maybe it makes more sense to live a life where the risks are known rather than walking alone into the unknown.

I wholly understand the magnitude of the struggle.  But I think it may be helpful to recall that thousands of years ago, an entire nation questioned whether a familiar life of slavery was preferable to an unpredictable future.

Who can forget the series of miraculous events that found God’s chosen people closing the chapter on hundreds of years of slavery and literally walking from bondage to freedom as Yahweh met each and every need they faced (although not exactly as they had hoped)?

How many generations before them had prayed for liberation without seeing it? Now they were the ones chosen to witness the hand of God Himself interceding on their behalf while the plagues revealed His might. The Lord of Heaven and Earth finally broke their bonds and led them toward another life, a good life in a new place reserved just for them.  But there were many unknowns and obstacles, and it would take time and toil to get there.

Constantly on the move with only makeshift tents for shelter, and surviving – even miraculously – on manna, quail and sweet water that flowed from previously fouled springs, their situation was always tenuous and anything but comfortable.

It wasn’t long before their celebrations gave way to discontent.  They found themselves reminiscing over the good things they left behind – especially the rich bounty of foods that the harsh wilderness could not provide.

They weren’t residing in mansions in Egypt, but at least they had stone-hewn homes that provided a cool place to rest during the few precious hours they had to themselves.  They had lived on the outskirts of a city of unmatched grandeur, yet somehow diminished the fact that each and every brick had been mingled with their ancestors’ blood, sweat and tears – and their own.

Perhaps the hardest part was that they didn’t know the plan.  And let’s face it:  it can be really rough to keep going when there is no obvious timeline and your destination lies veiled beyond some distant horizon.  So it was that those who had been set free began to question whether they were happier in their former lives, whether the new life God promised would be worth the sacrifices.

Perhaps to some small degree you can relate to their dilemma.  There may be days when you are tempted to adopt a similar mindset: “Maybe I should have stayed where I was.  Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I remember.  Maybe I should go back and hope that things will be better this time around.”

Yes, it is possible that the price you must pay for your freedom could be significantly higher than you expected.  You may be facing a host of unknowns:

Can I make it financially?

Will I have to move?

What about custody arrangements?

How will I manage work with my kids’ school and childcare?

Can I do this alone?

Perhaps these and similar questions keep you awake nights.  There may not be any easy or obvious answers.  But let your doubts and fears draw you to seek the heart of the One who holds the power to shave a path where there seems to be none.  Lay your doubts and fears at His feet and petition Him for a divine measure of strength and wisdom in your life.  Then watch and see what He does.

If you really have a peace about returning, trust that.  But if God has led you out of bondage, then know He will surely lead you to your destination.  It may be rough going at times,  but I am confident it will be worth it.  I sincerely believe there will be moments when you will witness His hand at work in the midst of it all.  You may yet see your Red Sea part.

I know that in some ways it might be easier to go back.  It would be familiar at least.

But do you really want to go back to Egypt?

“Light arises in the darkness for the upright; He is gracious and compassionate and righteous.” Psalm 112:4

***

Copyright 2020, All Rights Reserved

Cindy Burrell/Hurtbylove.com

*Abuses may be of either gender, however, the overwhelming majority of abusers are male; therefore, the abuser is referenced in the masculine.  The reader’s understanding is appreciated.

Copyright 2020, All Rights Reserved

Cindy Burrell/Hurtbylove.com