Tag Archives: denial

abuse, belief system, conflict, disbelief, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, marriage, recovery, religion, terror

Give Me Five Minutes (Things I Would Like to Say To An Abuse Victim)

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Dear friend, I have no idea how long you might listen before you five minutesdecide to shut me out.  But what I have to say is important, and I hope you will give me just a few precious minutes to share what is on my heart.

What I need to say may change how you see yourself and even, perhaps, the course of your life.  Please consider my words.  My prayer in this moment is that you might give yourself permission to be completely honest with yourself.  Listen to what your heart says.  You will know if what I am saying is true.

You see, I know a lot more about you than you might imagine.  I know you think no one knows what is going on in your little corner of the world.

But I know.

Continue reading Give Me Five Minutes (Things I Would Like to Say To An Abuse Victim) →

abuse, marriage

The Unreachable

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unreachable“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”  Anais Nin

 

In my years in this ministry, I have found that there are some people who seem to be reaching out for help and insight and healing.  But, after many months – even years – many who profess to want help refuse to receive it.  For whatever reason, they either cannot or will not relinquish their tragic identity as an abuse victim to embrace the promising future that lies before them.  These people seem quite stuck, perpetually unreachable.

Initially upon leaving an abusive relationship it makes perfect sense to share the many secrets that have been kept, to receive healthy measures of validation and comfort and direction. Sadly, the unreachable have a difficult time getting beyond that stage.  They are continually undone, interminably possessed by their disturbing memories.  They can recount their tragic stories forwards and backwards, inside out, upside down and sideways.  Even many years after being removed from their suffering, their anguish fairly pours out of them with the slightest nudge.  It is heart-breaking – a seemingly impossible scenario.  The unreachable ones’ identity is wrapped so tightly around their history that they seem to have become resigned to their identity as victim. Continue reading The Unreachable →

abuse

Abuse: Exploiting the Feminine Heart

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In the must-read book, “Captivating,” co-authored with her husband (John Eldredge, the well-known author of “Wild at Heart”), Stasi Eldredge lays bare the deepest cries of a woman’s heart. Mrs. Eldredge betrays with painful vulnerability and sensitivity all of womanhood’s ever-pervasive yearning. A woman wants to know: Do you see me? Am I lovely?

Every young girl and woman longs to be known, to be seen. Her spirit dares to assent to the understanding that she is uniquely wondrous and worthy of love and affection. Her deepest desire and greatest joy is to have that truth affirmed in her life, particularly by a man – first her father and then her mate. We come alive with the telling of a sweet love story and hope that one day we might be at the center of one.

In fact, being convinced that I am not alone in my fantasies, I confess my belief in what might be called fairy-tale love, even a “prince,” an honorable man who singles me out above all other women – his “princess.” He sees me as intrinsically beautiful and special, worthy of pursuit and protection. He hears not just the words that leave my lips, but those that emanate from my heart. He wants me to know that I am loved and for me to feel secure, content and satisfied. He prizes me. He sees me.

Continue reading Abuse: Exploiting the Feminine Heart →