Tag Archives: dysfunction

A Season of Man-Hating

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven… a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.  Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

Just a few months after separating from my husband, I was hired by a prominent government official to be his receptionist and personal assistant.  In that role, I was responsible for greeting those who came to meet with him, people from all walks of life.  Still reeling from the effects of the abuse and dealing with my husband’s ongoing harassment, in my mind’s eye every man who walked in the door was automatically presumed to be an enemy – a self-serving, conniving jerk.  As far as greeting those who came to meet with my boss, I knew how to be cordial while remaining thoroughly entrenched in my cynical mindset toward the opposite sex. 

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The Heart Murderer

Jesus said, “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, “Raca” shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell…”  Matthew 5:21-22

The entire fifth chapter of Matthew records a timeless discourse given by Jesus before a great crowd who had gathered on a hillside.  There, our Lord spent time assuring the wounded and the unseen that God saw their hearts in the midst of all they were going through and that their faithfulness would one day be rewarded.  Jesus then took time to contrast mere image with substance, outward appearances with the condition of the heart.  He made it powerfully apparent that, although we may content ourselves with what is seen outwardly, God sees it all, including the motives and intentions of our hearts.

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Predator or Prey?

Predator or Prey?

“…be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.”

Ephesians 6:10

 

When living in an abusive household, there is no truly safe place, no easy answers, and no best response to a given situation, because the world revolves around the abuser’s* wants and needs, which are ever-changing.  This kind of unstable environment has profound impacts on wives – the abuser’s primary victims – and children.

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Judge Not?

Many of us have been taught that, as believers, we are not to judge lest we be judged.  The inference is that judging others is always wrong.  If we don’t want to find ourselves judged, we should not judge anyone else.  Ever.

It almost seems right, but it is a twisting of the truth, and it is little sound-bites like these that often hold us captive, leading us to believe that we have no right to scrutinize others’ character or to identify wicked people among us, particularly those who claim to be fellow believers.   Are we really called to accommodate the wicked living in our homes and serving in our churches for fear of being deemed judgmental? Continue reading Judge Not?

Enabling Isn’t Noble

“A man of great anger must pay the penalty.
If you rescue him, you will only have to do again.”  Proverbs 19:19

For some of you reading this, what I need to share may be difficult to receive; nevertheless, I hope you will consider what I have to say, for I have been where you are…

I know you are determined to fix it, to help the man* to whom you are so devoted, to help him work through whatever pain he is carrying, to love him unconditionally in spite of how he treats you.  I know you want to believe that hiding somewhere beneath that prickly exterior is the man who found a way to win your heart however many months or years ago.

I know you want to be strong, to prove to yourself, God, those who know you and the man you live with that no matter how he treats you, you won’t break and you will never give up.  You believe that somehow, someday his heart will soften, life will become sweet and safe, and you will both bask in the kind of deep, transcendent love you imagine.  I know that each morning you awaken with a new hope that maybe today things will be different.  Maybe today he will see you and decide to love you back.  Maybe today you will find the key that will unlock his seemingly lost and hurting heart.

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