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abuse, belief system, divorce, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, Jesus, marriage, recovery, religion

The Most Painful Confession: Coming Clean With God – and Myself

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arms wide openIt has been said that man is the only creature who runs faster when he is lost.

Sure enough, that was me – trying to survive in an abusive marriage, striving and praying and trying – running ever faster but always headed in the wrong direction.  At long last I found myself backed into a windowless corner where decades of denial had finally run their course.  It was then that I had to offer up my most painful of all confessions.

You see, up until that moment, I had held to my story, the one I had fabricated about my marital destiny, the one that ultimately led to the nightmare from which my children and I now needed to be rescued.  The original account affectionately chronicled how and where my husband and I first met, the way he doggedly pursued me and how our courtship and marriage unfolded.  Surely I had presented an image where it seemed that God had brought us together.

But so many years later I found myself virtually suffocating under a wave of conviction so overwhelming, it felt as though my heart might explode.

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False Repentance

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When push comes to shove, and an abuse victim has finally had her fill, the confrontation with her abuser will almost certainly set in motion a new set of somewhat predictable responses. It is a crucial moment for her, because denial has finally given way to determination, and though confusion typically reigns, clarity is gaining a foothold.

The victim has reached a point where she is willing and able to openly contend that the relationship has reached its breaking point. She may confront her abuser in the midst of a conflict, try to choose the perfect opportunity to approach him, or pack her bags and leave a note on the nightstand. No matter how the issue is broached, the typical abuser is not usually receptive to being exposed, dismissed or ignored. The victim needs to brace herself; the game is almost certainly not over yet. He still has a few tricks up his sleeve.

In such a confrontation an abuser will almost always immediately question either his victim’s sanity or her resolve. This may come in the form of feigned doubt, shock or horror. The victim might hear something like this:

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