Predator or Prey?
“…be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.”
Ephesians 6:10
When living in an abusive household, there is no truly safe place, no easy answers, and no best response to a given situation, because the world revolves around the abuser’s* wants and needs, which are ever-changing. This kind of unstable environment has profound impacts on wives – the abuser’s primary victims – and children.
For some of you reading this, what I need to share may be difficult to receive; nevertheless, I hope you will consider what I have to say, for I have been where you are…
I know you are determined to fix it, to help the man* to whom you are so devoted, to help him work through whatever pain he is carrying, to love him unconditionally in spite of how he treats you. I know you want to believe that hiding somewhere beneath that prickly exterior is the man who found a way to win your heart however many months or years ago.
I know you want to be strong, to prove to yourself, God, those who know you and the man you live with that no matter how he treats you, you won’t break and you will never give up. You believe that somehow, someday his heart will soften, life will become sweet and safe, and you will both bask in the kind of deep, transcendent love you imagine. I know that each morning you awaken with a new hope that maybe today things will be different. Maybe today he will see you and decide to love you back. Maybe today you will find the key that will unlock his seemingly lost and hurting heart.
1. You are absolutely special and worthy of love.
(So he needs to keep you feeling insecure – groveling for love and acceptance.)
2. You are more than adequate.
(So he works to keep you doubting all you have to offer.)
3. You are not crazy.
(But he wants you to doubt your instincts and your reality.)
4. You are not stupid.
(But he wants you to feel powerless and dependent upon him.)
5. You are not overly sensitive.
(But he wants you to ignore your pain and pretend you’re fine no matter how he treats you.)
6. You didn’t provoke him.
(But he will work to convince you that his abuse is your fault.)
7. He knows what he is doing.
(His actions are not incidental, but intentional and designed to cause pain.)
8. He has no desire to change.
(He has shown you that the person you thought he was is not who he really is.)
9. You matter.
(But his actions and attitudes tell you that he matters, and you don’t.)
10. You don’t have to live this way.
(But he will do everything he possibly can to keep you caught up in his web of deceit.)
– Cindy Burrell, Hurtbylove.com, ©2018
(Although people of both genders can be abusive, the overwhelming majority of abusers are male and therefore the abuser is referenced in the masculine. The reader’s understanding is appreciated.)
Dear friends, I am pleased to announce the release of my newest book, “An Extraordinary Ordinary Life: A Testimony of God’s Faithfulness.”
“An Extraordinary Ordinary Life” chronicles a host of profound and life-changing events that have taken place since I began my life of faith 40 years ago. Since that life-altering moment, I have been awed to hear God’s warm, inaudible voice, felt His promptings, seen His undeniable provision and even witnessed healings and miracles.
In sharing these true-to-life accounts, it is my hope that readers will see the very personal nature of the amazing God I am privileged to know and serve. He has transformed my otherwise ordinary life into one that is truly extraordinary. I know He wishes to do the same for all who know Him, to allow His children the opportunity to look back and know that they too have lived extraordinary, if ordinary, lives.
One reader emailed me personally to share (in part), “I just finished your book. I’m trying to describe how [I] feel… I’m so full and satisfied and so thankful. Every time I read your writings, I’m left with greater clarity and truth. This by far, was no exception. The entire book leads us (the readers) to Jesus.
Every. Single. Page.”
“An Extraordinary Ordinary Life” is available on Kindle ($4.95) and as a paperback on Amazon ($14.95).
I would love to hear from any of you who decide to dive in…
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“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will
make me know wisdom.” Psalm 51:6
When my children were young, upon asking them to take a bath or clean their rooms or do their homework, there were those occasions when they would look at me with mischief in their eyes, and I knew in that moment that they were considering testing my patience. I would just gaze at them and wait for a moment. Then, before they could protest I would say, “I just need to hear two words.” Almost without fail, a few moments of tempered silence would pass, and then they would quietly say the words I wanted to hear.
“Okay, Mom.”
There was something about just saying those two simple words that softened their will and almost miraculously set their feet in motion to accommodate my request.
Ah, the power of words.