Tag Archives: healing

abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, children, conflict, confusion, divorce, domestic violence, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, Jesus, loneliness, marriage, misunderstood, physical abuse, recovery, religion

Misunderstood

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Upon separating from my abusive husband, a whole new realm of emotions surfaced:  a constant fear of what new tactics my abuser might employ to torment me now that I was no longer within easy reach, fears with regard to the kind of future my children and I might face, and on top of it all there was the heartbreaking realization that some people whom I considered friends clearly could not accept the reality of what was going on my life.

Unfortunately, what might have been deemed simple ignorance was insufficient to enable me to dismiss some people’s responses to me.  It went much deeper than that.  It felt more as though they simply refused to believe that something so penetratingly dark could have possibly invaded our lives.  Many came alongside to whisper, “There, there,” and pat me on the back and insist that things couldn’t be that bad.  Those ignorant or insensitive or foolish people only made things worse.

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abuse, biblical divorce, conflict, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, leaving an abuser, manipulation, marriage, physical abuse

The Face of Abuse

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This is what physical abuse looks like. See the pain, not only on the woman’s face, but also in her countenance. Verbal and emotional abuse cause just as much harm; it’s just that others can’t see the wounds and the scars left behind.

This Woman Took A Photo Of Herself Every Day For A Year. I Was In Tears When I Saw The Last One.

By sharing photos of one woman’s face over the course of a year, this video conveys a powerful message that needs to be shared. “One photo a day in the worst year of my life” was created by the Croatian government in response to a danger that many women across the globe live with every day. The harrowing message is made even more impactful by the sign the woman holds up at the end. It reads, “Help me, I don’t know if I will be alive tomorrow”. Warning: the video contains graphic images towards the end.

 

abuse, belief system, divorce, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, Jesus, marriage, recovery, religion

The Most Painful Confession: Coming Clean With God – and Myself

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arms wide openIt has been said that man is the only creature who runs faster when he is lost.

Sure enough, that was me – trying to survive in an abusive marriage, striving and praying and trying – running ever faster but always headed in the wrong direction.  At long last I found myself backed into a windowless corner where decades of denial had finally run their course.  It was then that I had to offer up my most painful of all confessions.

You see, up until that moment, I had held to my story, the one I had fabricated about my marital destiny, the one that ultimately led to the nightmare from which my children and I now needed to be rescued.  The original account affectionately chronicled how and where my husband and I first met, the way he doggedly pursued me and how our courtship and marriage unfolded.  Surely I had presented an image where it seemed that God had brought us together.

But so many years later I found myself virtually suffocating under a wave of conviction so overwhelming, it felt as though my heart might explode.

Continue reading The Most Painful Confession: Coming Clean With God – and Myself →

abuse, marriage

The Unreachable

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unreachable“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”  Anais Nin

 

In my years in this ministry, I have found that there are some people who seem to be reaching out for help and insight and healing.  But, after many months – even years – many who profess to want help refuse to receive it.  For whatever reason, they either cannot or will not relinquish their tragic identity as an abuse victim to embrace the promising future that lies before them.  These people seem quite stuck, perpetually unreachable.

Initially upon leaving an abusive relationship it makes perfect sense to share the many secrets that have been kept, to receive healthy measures of validation and comfort and direction. Sadly, the unreachable have a difficult time getting beyond that stage.  They are continually undone, interminably possessed by their disturbing memories.  They can recount their tragic stories forwards and backwards, inside out, upside down and sideways.  Even many years after being removed from their suffering, their anguish fairly pours out of them with the slightest nudge.  It is heart-breaking – a seemingly impossible scenario.  The unreachable ones’ identity is wrapped so tightly around their history that they seem to have become resigned to their identity as victim. Continue reading The Unreachable →

abuse, divorce, marriage, religion

The Heart’s Sweet Lie

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everything will be alright_multiples“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?”  Jeremiah 17:9

I tromped downstairs in my usual stupor one weekday morning to brew a fresh pot of coffee before heading to work and found our black Labrador, Belle, at the foot of the stairs, wagging her tail enthusiastically and prancing about in anticipation of her breakfast.  On most days, one of the kids beats me to the task, yet Belle has learned that if she puts on a good show, she might succeed in convincing me or any other unsuspecting family member who ventures downstairs later in the morning that she is famished.  Our clever dog has often enjoyed a second meal before one of us realizes that we have been duped by her well-rehearsed antics. Continue reading The Heart’s Sweet Lie →