Tag Archives: shame

abuse, belief system, biblical divorce, Christianity, church denial, disbelief, divorce, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, hostility, hypocrisy, Jesus, manipulation, marriage, physical abuse, recovery, religion, shame

The See-No-Evil Disconnect: Abandoning Victims to Protect the Status Quo

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“He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous, both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.”  Proverbs 17:15

see no evil

It happens all the time.  A victim of abuse finds the courage to step out of the shadows of her shame and fear to reveal the truth about what has happened to her.  The trauma she has endured may be a result of molestation or rape, physical abuse, and/or verbal or emotional abuse.  She wants to believe that, once she shares her terrible secret, the people to whom she reaches out will hear her, validate her and comfort her.  But as horrible and shocking as it may seem, she may not receive what she needs.  For reasons that defy logic, many may rise to defend her perpetrator, and she may instead find herself shamed and shunned and even persecuted.  Such is the absurdity of the See-No-Evil Disconnect.     Continue reading The See-No-Evil Disconnect: Abandoning Victims to Protect the Status Quo →

abuse, belief system, Christianity, confusion, domestic violence, emotional abuse, faith, fear, God's faithfulness, hostility, marriage, perfectionism, recovery, religion, shame, terror

Shame

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shame“There smites nothing so sharp, nor smelleth so sour as shame.” William Langland (English poet, 1332-c. 1386)

It ranks among the most painful incidents of my life, an event I never could have foreseen.  It happened during a grueling, four-hour counseling session with my abusive husband – the day before I left him.

At several points in the session, my then-husband stood and raged at me, arms outstretched as I sat terrified in my chair only a few feet away. The counselor did nothing to calm or constrain him (which I now know was highly unprofessional of her).  Over so many years, I had grown accustomed to his blistering, if false, accusations, and was so beaten down I didn’t dare offer a defense.  When my husband finally sat again, awaiting my response, the counselor turned to me where I sat trembling and asked, “What are you feeling, Cindy?” and at that moment the weight of years of torment shredded my composure.  I could muster only, “I’m afraid in my own home.”

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